You attract what you are, not what you want. The Universe always balances itself out. Hence, Yin and Yang is everywhere we look and everywhere we cannot see.

Love isn’t a single chemical but it does involve powerful chemicals in your body. When people say “love is just chemicals,” that’s oversimplified. Love is a complex emotional and psychological experience, but it’s strongly influenced by brain chemistry.

Here are the main chemicals involved:

1. Dopamine — the reward chemical

This is linked to pleasure, motivation, and craving. When you’re attracted to someone, dopamine spikes, which is why love can feel exciting, addictive, and energising.

2. Oxytocin — the bonding hormone

Often called the “love hormone.” It’s released during physical touch, cuddling, sex, and even deep conversation. It helps create feelings of trust, attachment, and emotional closeness.

3. Vasopressin — attachment chemical

Plays a role in long-term bonding and pair attachment, especially in committed relationships.

4. Serotonin — mood regulator (also influences sleep, appetite, digestion and cognition)

Serotonin activity (or “signalling”) can shift during early romantic attraction, which may explain why you obsessively think about someone in the early stages.

5. Adrenaline & norepinephrine

These create the physical symptoms: racing heart, sweaty palms, butterflies.

Love isn’t just chemistry — but chemistry is part of how your brain creates the feeling. Think of it like this:

• Chemicals are the mechanism.
• Love is the experience.

Being “in love” isn’t always a big, dramatic lightning-bolt moment. It’s usually a mix of feelings, attachment, and a steady choice to be with someone. Here are some signs that often point to real love rather than just attraction or a crush:

1. You care about who they are, not just how they make you feel

You genuinely admire their character, values and quirks — even their flaws. You’re not just chasing the excitement; you actually like them as a person.

2. Their happiness matters to you

You want good things for them, even when it doesn’t directly benefit you. When they’re struggling, it affects you too.

3. You feel safe being yourself

You don’t feel like you have to put on an act. You can be honest, vulnerable and imperfect, and still feel accepted.

4. You naturally think long-term

When you picture the future, they’re in it — not because you’re forcing it, but because it just feels right.

5. It’s not only intense — it’s steady

A crush can feel all butterflies and nerves.
Love often feels calmer underneath it all — grounded, warm and secure.

6. You choose them

Even on the ordinary days. Even when they annoy you a bit. Love isn’t just a feeling; it’s a consistent decision to stay connected. A couple of questions you might ask yourself:

• If the excitement settled down, would I still want them around?
• Do I respect them?
• Do I feel more like myself with them — or less?

Love doesn’t always feel dramatic. Sometimes it’s quiet and steady — and that can be just as real.

Please click on the link for the article by BY ERIC LANGSHUR AND NATE KLEMP PHD

We all know the feeling of eating the last Tim Tam even though we said we’d stop, or putting off the gym even though we know we’ll feel better after. There’s a simple psychological framework behind this tug-of-war, and it’s more nuanced than “willpower” or “laziness.”

Four combinations, not two

Most people think of this as one axis — instant vs delayed — but really there are two separate questions: when something happens, and whether it’s a reward or a cost. That gives four combinations:

• Instant gratification: reward now (a cigarette, a scroll through social media, a splurge on payday)
• Delayed cost: the price paid later (lung damage, lost hours, an empty bank account)
• Instant cost: effort or discomfort now (a hard training session, saying no to dessert)
• Delayed gratification: the pay-off later (fitness, health, savings)

These naturally pair up in everyday life — instant gratification tends to travel with a delayed cost (gluttony, addiction, procrastination), and instant cost tends to travel with delayed gratification (discipline, exercise, saving). But they’re not the same thing by definition; they’re just common bundles. Sometimes you get gratification with barely any real cost (an afternoon nap), or cost with barely any real reward (over-saving to the point of never enjoying your money).

Why the future feels so much less real

The underlying mechanism is called temporal discounting — our tendency to value a reward less the further away it sits. Offer someone $50 today or $100 in a year, and plenty will take the $50. The future reward gets “discounted” in the mind, even though it’s objectively worth more. This isn’t a flaw exclusive to people struggling with addiction or avoidance — everyone discounts the future to some degree. What differs from person to person is how steeply.

A more specific quirk sitting inside this is present bias — an extra, disproportionate pull toward anything happening right now, over and above normal discounting. The classic sign of it is a preference reversal: someone might happily choose $100 in 31 days over $50 in 30 days when both options are off in the future. But offer them $50 today versus $100 tomorrow, and many flip to taking the smaller amount immediately. Nothing about the maths changed — only whether “now” was on the table. This is the same mechanism behind grand plans made the night before that evaporate the next morning: the plan looked easy when “now” was still hypothetical.

Why does this happen? Economists originally assumed we discount the future smoothly and consistently — a steady, predictable decline in value the further out a reward sits. Real behaviour doesn’t work that way. Instead, people follow what’s called a hyperbolic discounting curve — value declines really fast for anything in the near future (i.e., pushing a reward from today to next week costs it a lot of its appeal) then flattens out for anything further away. But pushing a reward from five years away to six years away barely changes how appealing it feels at all. The decline is steep early and flat later. That steep early drop is what makes “right now” so magnetic, and the flat tail is why consequences six months away can feel almost as unreal as consequences five years away, even though they’re nothing alike in real terms.

Where this shows up in society

This isn’t just an economics quirk — it explains a lot of everyday human struggle:

• Addiction runs almost entirely on this pattern: an intensely immediate reward (a drink, a hit, a bet) paired with a cost that’s not just delayed but sitting on that flat, barely-felt part of the curve.
• Avoidance behaviours (procrastination, dodging a hard conversation, skipping medical checkups) work in reverse — the relief of avoiding discomfort is instant, while the cost of avoidance quietly compounds somewhere out on the flat tail.
• Overeating or “gluttony” fits the same shape — the pleasure of eating is immediate and vivid; weight gain or health decline is real but distant and abstract, so it barely registers in the moment of choosing.
• Under-saving and impulse spending are the financial version — a purchase feels good today; retirement or a rainy-day fund is decades away and easy to discount to near zero.

Why this matters practically

The useful reframe here is that struggling with this isn’t a personal failing or a lack of insight — it’s the human valuation system doing exactly what it evolved to do, just more steeply in some people than others. That points toward practical fixes that work with the curve rather than fighting it: shrinking the delay before a good choice pays off (visible progress, milestone rewards), making the cost of a bad choice show up sooner rather than later (a streak, a check-in, immediate feedback), or removing the in-the-moment choice altogether through precommitment (automatic savings transfers, not keeping temptation in the house). Trying to simply convince someone to “care more” about the distant future tends not to work, because the problem was never a lack of caring — it’s that the future is quietly, structurally, worth less to the mind than the present.