Webb Therapy Uncategorized Trauma: Emotional and Psychological Wounds

Trauma: Emotional and Psychological Wounds

The word ‘trauma’ originates from the Greek word ‘wound”, which at the time, was primarily used to refer to physical injuries. Today, trauma is also frequently used to refer to “emotional wounds” that can cause psychological symptoms any time after the traumatic event has occurred, including years later. Emotional and psychological trauma can be lifelong.

The word ‘trauma’ has been popularised, and is arguably used carelessly or inaccurately, to indicate almost any kind of unpleasant experience or stressor by an individual (Haslam, 2016). A stressful life experience is more commonly being labelled as trauma or a traumatic experience. While both stress and trauma can impact our wellbeing, we must differentiate the two for diagnostic and treatment purposes within the mental health field.

Emotional and psychological trauma is associated with significant unexpected incidents that are, or perceived as, threatening to a person. The most recognised examples of traumatic events include unexpected natural disasters, a serious car accident, war, rape, bullying/intimidation, or losing a loved one. Traumatic experiences are often described as overwhelm the nervous system and experienced as deeply distressing events, and adverse short or long-term impacts are commonly experienced. It is also worth noting that some people may not recognise they have experience trauma. I once heard a story of a boy in high school who accidently severed a major artery of his peer with a school prop while joking around. His peer was taken to hospital and survived, but ears later he began having night terrors of the incident.

The following is a definition from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) in the United States: “Individual trauma results from an event, a series of events or a set of circumstances that is experienced by an individual as physically or emotionally harmful or life threatening and that has lasting adverse effects on the individual’s functioning and mental, physical, social, emotional, or spiritual well-being.” (SAMHSA, 2014a, p. 7)

“Traumas can affect individuals, families, groups, communities, specific cultures, and generations. It generally overwhelms an individual’s or community’s resources to cope, and it often ignites the “fight, flight, or freeze” reaction at the time of the event(s). It frequently produces a sense of fear, vulnerability, and helplessness.” (SAMHSA, 2014b, p. 7)

The determinants of acquiring post-traumatic symptoms are influenced by how individuals interpret their circumstance(s), their developmental stage, cultural beliefs, availability of resources and support, and the physical and psychological disruptions they experienced (SAMHSA, 2014b). I have heard the word ‘trauma’ used to describe neglect and abuse during childhood. It’s important to note that while some caregivers may have neglected the emotional and psychological needs of a child, or used ‘smacking’ (positive punishment) to discipline children, not all individuals will develop symptoms that meet the current criteria by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DMS) for Trauma. It is fair to say that all people have likely experienced life stressors that have conditioned them to think, behave, and react emotionally in specific or general social contexts, and will effect their quality of life and health.

As a rule of thumb, for trauma to be classified as a clinical psychological or emotional condition, I consider the 4 D’s: is there post-traumatic symptoms of DISTRESS, DYSFUNCTION in daily living, DANGER (to self or others), or DEVIANT behaviour. I think the word ‘deviant’ has prejudicial connotations so to clarify, it means departing from usual or accepted standards, especially in social or sexual behaviour.

Thank you for reading. Of course, there’s plenty more to say on the topic of emotional and psychological trauma, especially how cultures differentiate it from more commonly experienced yet individually meaningful life stressors. Stress that doesn’t fit the clinical criteria of ‘trauma’ is still valid and can be detrimental to our health. It can be helpful to seek psychological or psychiatric treatment, or spiritual alternatives to traditional Western health care.

References:

  1. Haslam, N. (2016, August 15). The problem with describing every misfortune as ‘trauma’. Chicago Tribute. From website.
  2. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA, 2014a). SAMHSA’s concept of trauma and guidance for a trauma-informed approach. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. From website.
  3. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2014b).  A treatment improvement protocol: Trauma-informed care in behavioral health services TIP 57. From website.

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Understanding Low Self-Worth: What It Looks Like, Where It Comes From, and What HelpsUnderstanding Low Self-Worth: What It Looks Like, Where It Comes From, and What Helps

Low self-worth is one of those things almost everyone has heard of, but it’s often misunderstood. It’s not simply “not liking yourself” — it’s a deeper, often quiet belief that you’re somehow not enough: not good enough, not lovable enough, not worthy of good things. This belief can shape how a person thinks, feels, behaves, and connects with others, sometimes without them even realising it’s happening.

This article walks through what low self-worth can look like, how it tends to develop, why it’s not always the explanation for a behaviour it might seem to explain, and what genuinely helps.

What Does Low Self-Worth Actually Look Like?

Low self-worth doesn’t show up in just one way — it tends to ripple across several areas of a person’s life.

In the way someone thinks

  • A harsh inner voice that’s quick to blame and slow to forgive
  • Black-and-white thinking about their own worth (“I’m a failure” rather than “that didn’t go well”)
  • Brushing off compliments or achievements (“I just got lucky”)
  • Constantly comparing themselves to others, usually unfavourably

In how someone feels

  • A background hum of shame or guilt that isn’t tied to anything specific
  • Anxiety in situations where they feel judged or evaluated
  • Taking criticism much harder than the moment probably warrants
  • Struggling to feel like they deserve good things — joy, rest, success

In how someone behaves

  • People-pleasing, and real trouble saying no
  • Avoiding challenges for fear of failing in front of others
  • Perfectionism, partly as a way to dodge criticism before it happens
  • Overcompensating — bragging, chasing status, or over-achieving to cover up insecurity underneath
  • Self-sabotage, like procrastinating or quitting before they can “fail properly”
  • Over-apologising, even when nothing’s actually their fault

In relationships

  • Putting up with disrespectful or unequal treatment
  • Needing frequent reassurance from others
  • Trouble setting or holding boundaries
  • Pulling away from people to avoid the risk of being rejected

Physically

  • Guarded body language, poor posture, avoiding eye contact
  • Neglecting self-care, sometimes because they don’t feel “worth the effort”

Worth remembering: none of these signs are exclusive to low self-worth. They overlap with anxiety, depression, trauma responses, and other things going on for a person. It’s the overall pattern — and the story underneath it — that matters, not any single item on this list.

Where Does It Come From?

Low self-worth is very often learned rather than something a person is simply born with — which is actually good news, because what’s learned can also be unlearned.

Watching the adults around us Kids learn a lot about how to treat themselves by watching how the important adults in their life treat themselves. A parent who’s constantly self-critical or dismissive of their own needs is teaching a child a template, even without saying a word directly to them.

Love and attention that come with strings attached If approval or affection is only given for achievement, appearance, or good behaviour, a child can learn that their worth depends on ticking boxes — rather than being something they simply have, no strings attached.

Being told directly Repeated criticism, shaming, or put-downs from parents, teachers, or peers get absorbed, especially in childhood before a person has the tools to separate “someone said this about me” from “this is true about me.”

Early relationships with caregivers Inconsistent, neglectful, or dismissive caregiving is strongly linked to a shaky sense of self-worth in adulthood — the underlying logic often being something like, “if the people meant to care for me didn’t, maybe I’m not worth caring for.”

Peers and wider social environments Bullying, exclusion, and highly competitive or comparison-heavy environments — including social media — can teach the same lesson outside the family entirely.

Broader social messaging Cultural narratives around race, gender, body type, class, or ability can also send repeated messages of lesser worth, reinforced across many different settings over time.

Why It’s Not Always the Explanation

It’s tempting, once you’re aware of low self-worth as a concept, to see it everywhere. But plenty of behaviours that look like they’re about self-worth are actually about something else entirely — or several other things at once.

Take a few common examples:

  • Substance use can be tangled up with self-worth (numbing shame or a harsh inner critic), but addiction is genuinely shaped by many factors — genetics, brain chemistry, trauma, mental health conditions, and environment all play a real part.
  • Having few or no friends might reflect low self-worth (believing you’re not worth others’ time), but it could just as easily be social anxiety, depression, being naturally introverted, or simply preferring one’s own company. The key difference is usually the story underneath — does the person want connection and feel blocked by fear, or is being alone genuinely fine by them?
  • Coming across as arrogant or superior is often assumed to be a mask for hidden insecurity — and sometimes it is. But it’s worth being cautious here, because this assumption can become impossible to disprove (“if they’re arrogant, they’re secretly insecure; if they’re humble, that confirms it too”). Sometimes confidence is just confidence.
  • Frequent casual sex or a high number of partners doesn’t automatically point to low self-worth either. For many people, this is simply how they’ve chosen to structure their sex life, without any distress or underlying insecurity attached. What matters more is the function the behaviour seems to serve for that particular person — for example, someone who says they need to tell others about their experiences afterward specifically “to feel validated” is giving you a much clearer signal than the behaviour itself would.

The takeaway: self-worth is worth holding as a hypothesis to test with a person, rather than assumed from the outside based on how something looks.

What Actually Helps

If low self-worth is at the heart of things, here’s what tends to make a genuine difference — not overnight, but over time.

1. Notice and challenge the inner critic Pay attention to the specific language your mind uses about you. Often it’s harsher and more sweeping than how you’d ever speak to someone else. Try the “friend test”: would you say this to someone you cared about? If not, that’s a sign of distortion, not truth. It also helps to separate the behaviour from the self — “that didn’t go well” instead of “I’m hopeless.”

2. Loosen the strings attached to your worth Notice what your sense of worth currently depends on — achievement, appearance, being liked, being productive. Then start building small experiences of worth that aren’t tied to those things: resting without earning it, being liked without performing. This is slow, quiet work, but it’s often the real target.

3. Build evidence, not just insight Small, doable actions build a track record of competence over time — self-worth grows partly through lived proof, not just understanding. Avoiding challenges or social situations might feel safer, but it also blocks the very experiences that could prove the harsh self-view wrong.

4. Practise boundaries Struggling to say no, or putting up with poor treatment, is common with low self-worth. Practising small boundaries — even minor ones — can genuinely shift things, not just relieve symptoms temporarily. Pay attention to the fear beforehand versus what actually happens afterward; they’re often quite different.

5. Try self-compassion rather than self-esteem Self-compassion doesn’t require feeling good about yourself — it just means relating to yourself kindly, especially when things are hard. That’s often a far more achievable starting point than trying to force positive self-regard from a standing start. Remembering that struggling is part of being human (not a personal failing) is a big part of this.

6. Pay attention to relationships If low self-worth was shaped by relationships, it often needs relationships to help un-shape it too — this is part of why therapy, and a genuinely supportive relationship, tends to work better than self-help alone. Where possible, it also helps to reduce contact with people or environments that actively reinforce the negative self-view.

7. Shift from approval to values Instead of asking “what will make people think well of me,” try asking “what actually matters to me.” This shift — living by your own values rather than by anticipated approval — reduces the constant self-monitoring that keeps worth tied to outside opinion.

A Final Note

Self-worth work is rarely quick, and it’s rarely a straight line. It’s more like slowly rebuilding a belief system than fixing one single thought. Old patterns will likely resurface here and there — that’s not a sign the work isn’t working, it’s just part of how deeply learned beliefs unwind over time.

If this sounds familiar to you personally, it’s worth having a conversation with a psychologist or therapist — someone who can help you work out what’s underneath the patterns, and support you through actually shifting them.

Maybe you should Talk to SomeoneMaybe you should Talk to Someone

Author: Lori Gottlieb

Maybe you should talk to someone is a genuine, funny, touching, and realistic memoir of one therapist, as she navigates a difficult time in her professional and personal life. I couldn’t put this book down. As a therapeutic counsellor myself, the book gave me a greater understanding of psychology and human behaviour. It is a vulnerable portrayal of a renowned psychotherapist, her therapist, and the clients lives that she discusses in the book – and how they influence her life. If you have any preconceived bias about the therapy profession, this book might give you a new perspective. I laughed whole-heartedly and I blinked back the tears on one occasion. I’m really pleased I read Maybe You Should Talk About Someone. If you’re a busy person, the audio version may be more practical for you.

Same-sex dating challenges when you’re over 30Same-sex dating challenges when you’re over 30

1. High selectivity is normal, especially as we get older

When you enter the post-20’s dating world, your life experience has shaped your preferences. You’ve likely developed clear ideas of what you want in a partner, both in terms of personality and compatibility.

  • This means it’s natural to not feel interested in most people you date.
  • Selectivity isn’t a problem—it often reflects self-knowledge and maturity.

2. Same-sex dating dynamics can be tricky

  • In male same-sex dating, especially in places like Sydney, there can be a stronger focus on physical attraction in initial meetings.
  • That can make it harder to find someone you genuinely click with emotionally or mentally, because a lot of initial dating chemistry may feel superficial or performance-based.

3. Emotional vs. physical attraction

  • Your emotional and intellectual connection becomes [more] key to your interest.
  • You may feel attracted physically to some, but if the emotional or personality resonance isn’t there, you simply won’t want to continue. That’s perfectly normal.

4. Reciprocity matters a lot

  • Humans are wired for reciprocal interest: when it’s not returned, our brains often disengage emotionally to protect ourselves from disappointment.
  • This can make dating feel discouraging because your standards and their feelings don’t always align.

5. Psychological patterns that could be at play

  • High self-awareness: You know what you want and won’t settle.
  • Emotional caution: After multiple dates where interest isn’t reciprocated, your mind may naturally limit attachment until someone truly matches your criteria.
  • Confirmation bias in dating: You notice quickly when someone isn’t “right,” which is good for avoiding poor matches—but can also make you feel like genuine connections are rare.

6. This is very common for mature adults dating

  • Many people in their late 30s–40s experience the same thing.
  • Your dating pool is smaller because you’re looking for someone with very specific qualities (age, personality, emotional intelligence, compatibility).

Practical advice for dating in this context

a. Broaden [wisely] your dating strategies

  • While selectivity is good, small adjustments in mindset can increase your chances:
    • Look beyond initial “type” indicators and give people a bit more time to reveal personality.
    • Join social groups or interest-based communities (sports clubs, arts, volunteering, LGBTQ+ meetups). Often chemistry develops in shared activity contexts rather than first-date settings.

b. Focus on quality interactions

  • Instead of increasing quantity, increase meaningfulness: fewer, more intentional dates with people you have some natural overlap with (values, lifestyle, humor).
  • Online apps can be helpful, but try to filter for shared interests or mutual values to save time and emotional energy.

c. Work on internal calibration

  • Reflect on what triggers your strong attraction. Are there patterns (personality, energy, humor, confidence)?
  • This helps to recognize potential even if it’s not immediately intense, and also helps articulate your preferences clearly to prospective dates.

d. Manage expectations

  • It’s normal for the dating ratio (you like → they like) to be low, especially with high selectivity. Patience is key.
  • Celebrate the small wins: every connection you explore, even if it doesn’t last, builds social and emotional insight.

e. Emotional self-care

  • Rejection is part of the process and rarely personal—it’s more about compatibility.
  • Maintain supportive friendships, hobbies, and self-affirmation to avoid over-investing emotionally in every date.

Mindset shift suggestion

Instead of thinking:

“There are very few people I want to see again, and they don’t feel the same way”

Try:

“I’m selective and I know what I want. Meeting the right person may take time, but each date helps me understand myself and my preferences more clearly.”

This subtle mindset shift reduces pressure and anxiety, while keeping your standards intact.