Two Science-backed Ways to Ease a Worried Mind.

Managing moderate to intense anxiety often involves a combination of techniques that address both the mind and body. Here are some effective strategies:

1. Breathing Exercises: Practice slow, deep breathing to calm your nervous system. For example, inhale for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four.

2. Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Tense and then relax each muscle group in your body, starting from your toes and working upward.

3. Grounding Techniques: Use the 5-4-3-2-1 method to focus on your senses—identify 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste.

4. Mindfulness and Meditation: Engage in mindfulness practices to stay present and reduce anxious thoughts. Apps like Headspace or Calm can be helpful.

5. Physical Activity: Exercise, even a short walk, can release endorphins and reduce anxiety levels.

6. Cognitive Behavioural Techniques: Challenge negative thoughts by questioning their validity and replacing them with more balanced perspectives.

7. Healthy Lifestyle Choices: Maintain a consistent sleep schedule, eat nutritious meals, and limit caffeine and alcohol intake.

8. Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings to process them and identify triggers.

9. Social Support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or support groups to share your experiences and gain perspective.

10. Professional Help: If anxiety persists, consider seeking therapy or counselling. Techniques like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or medication prescribed by a professional can be highly effective.

When traditional strategies don’t seem effective for managing intense, chronic anxiety, there are additional approaches you can explore:

a. Therapeutic Modalities:

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Focuses on accepting anxious thoughts rather than fighting them, while committing to actions aligned with your values.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Combines mindfulness with skills for emotional regulation and distress tolerance.

Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR): Often used for trauma-related anxiety, it helps reprocess distressing memories.

b. Medication:

Anti-anxiety medications or antidepressants may be prescribed by a psychiatrist. These can help manage symptoms when therapy alone isn’t sufficient.

c. Lifestyle Adjustments:

Explore dietary changes, such as reducing sugar and processed foods, which can impact mood and anxiety levels.

Incorporate consistent physical activity tailored to your preferences.

d. Support Groups:

Joining a group for individuals with anxiety can provide a sense of community and shared understanding.

e. Intensive Programs:

Consider enrolling in an intensive outpatient program (IOP) or residential treatment program for anxiety, which offers structured and comprehensive care.

f. Emerging Treatments:

Research into treatments like ketamine therapy or transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) shows promise for treatment-resistant anxiety.

g. Alternative Therapies:

Practices like acupuncture, yoga, or tai chi can promote relaxation and reduce anxiety.

Biofeedback and neurofeedback can help you gain control over physiological responses to stress. They are techniques that help individuals gain control over certain physiological and mental processes. Here’s a breakdown:

i. Biofeedback is a mind-body therapy that uses sensors to monitor physiological functions like heart rate, muscle tension, breathing, or skin temperature. The goal is to provide real-time feedback to help individuals learn how to regulate these functions consciously. For example:

Heart Rate Variability Biofeedback: Helps manage stress by teaching control over heart rate.

Muscle Tension Biofeedback: Useful for conditions like chronic pain or tension headaches.

By practicing biofeedback, people can develop skills to manage stress, anxiety, and other health conditions2.

ii. Neurofeedback, a specialised form of biofeedback, focuses on brain activity. It uses electroencephalography (EEG) to monitor brainwaves and provides feedback to help individuals regulate their brain function. For instance:

It can help with conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, and PTSD.

During a session, individuals might watch visual cues or listen to sounds that reflect their brainwave activity, learning to adjust their mental state for better focus or relaxation4.

Both techniques are non-invasive and can be effective tools for improving mental and physical well-being.

IMPORTANT NOTE: It’s necessary to consult with a mental health professional or medical doctor to tailor these options to your specific needs.

Did you know that through a series of controversial (and incredibly sad) experiments, psychologist Harry Harlow, was able to demonstrate the importance of early attachments, affection, and emotional bonds on the course of healthy development. Harlow discovered that love and affections may be primary needs that are just as strong as or even stronger than those of hunger or thirst.

1 Think positive

This sounds easier said than done. I challenge you to intentionally consider alternatives to your habitual, default thinking pattern. We all want to be liked by others – because we want to belong to a group and to feel valued, needed and wanted. Worrying about social situations is very natural because we want to be perceived by others in a certain way. Other people’s perceptions are out of our control. So, we worry about it. We worry about things that are out of our control. We also know that we control our own behaviour, therefore, we feel responsible for behaving in ways that will mesh with others. We believe the likelihood of being liked will increase if we behave in certain ways.

Worrying can become problematic if we overthink past and future interactions, and perhaps we choose to avoid some or all interactions to protect ourselves. But then we don’t get the social connection we need.

I challenge you to think positive. Choose that instead. It will take energy because it might not be your default thinking pattern. Set your positive intention. Use mental energy. Trust that the opposite of your thinking can be true as well.

2 Forget comparison – unless you are a clone of someone else, you don’t have their genes, their life experience, their upbringing, their family history etc. It’s kind of illogical to compare yourself to someone else if you think about it, hey.

Don’t be concerned if others appear to have more or better friends than you. Quality and enjoyment matter more than quantity. Savour the moments of connection, wherever you can find them.

3 Anticipate change

Our life circumstances can leave us vulnerable to a sense of isolation. Relationships shift over time, and we may lose touch with friends who were once important. People form new relationships, move away, start families, become busier at work or start studying etc. Accepting change as normal can help you adjust to a change in your relationships. Just as we grow, evolve, and change, so will our relationships. Couples who were once in love will fall out of love. And friendships that were once enjoyed may become less enjoyable overtime.

4 Tolerate discomfort

Anxiety may cause you to avoid socialising. Understand that feeling awkward or embarrassed in social situations does not mean you are doing anything “wrong”. I remember a period I went through growing up. I noticed people around me starting to use for sophisticated language. I thought I had nothing of value to say, or nothing of interest. I would struggle to form sentences in my head. I was becoming so anxious that my social cognition was compromised. Learning to be comfortable with myself, relaxing into conversations, and listening more deeply to the other person helped me. I remember going on dates thinking I have absolutely nothing to say to this person. That cognition, that thought, wasn’t true. It was part of a larger story that I was creating in my mind.

Reach out to others and your skills will improve with time.

5 Listen well

Practice listening. Ask questions and really listen to the answers, rather than just waiting for your turn to talk, or worrying about how you will respond. If you’re curious about what someone is saying, your mind will naturally form a question or recall a similar experience that you can share.

Respond warmly to people’s experiences through your posture, facial expressions and words. Put the mobile phone away and be present.

6 Rehearse

Out of practice with small talk? Spend some time thinking about questions you can use when conversation stalls. You might ask if the other person has been overseas or travelled, what music do they like, or what movies they like to see at the cinema. A natural question to ask is what did you get up to today? What do you have planned for the weekend?

I once attended a training for work. The facilitator shared her experience of often finding herself in similar situations, and she decided to formulate a “go-to” script for when she became tense, and a conversation stalled. Rather than panic, she had a mental go-to script to bridge the gap until the conversation returned to a natural flow. Sometimes it’s nice to allow for a silence, scan your environment and discuss something happening around you.

7 Go offline

Social media helps many people, but it can also increase disconnection, depression, loneliness, anxiety, and headaches. Ensure you have a healthy offline life. Perhaps invite trusted online friends to an offline meeting to build your relationship.

8 Help and service

Helping someone gives a feel-good rush. Oxytocin and dopamine neurotransmitters have been shown to be involved in human bonding. These chemicals can make us feel pleasure. Create a bond with someone by offering help or asking for it. If we’re not someone who asks for help often, the people who know us well will likely feel closer to you because you need them for something, nourishing the bond you have. Have you noticed that strangers in the street are often very willing to help someone with directions? It makes people feel good to help others and be helped in return. Something as little as assistance with a bag or holding a lift can help people feel seen and cared for.

9 Get involved

I know this one may make some people go “Eeeeek” and cringe. However, evolutionary and developmental psychology … and all psychology, has suggested time and time again, that feeling part of a larger community and getting involved makes us feel alive and part-of. Joining in connects you to other people, unites you in a shared activity, and provides an easy way to get to know people better.

Have you ever watched a group of people in the street having a laugh, or watched people playing a sports game, or doing an activity together – while you’re sitting alone on the outside. You might mock them to yourself to make yourself feel superior or protected. We’d rather be part of. It’s just the truth.

10 Manage stress

Everybody has some social situations they dread. Practice simple stress management techniques, such as breathing deeply and slowly, to help keep your stress in check through awkward moments.

We need stress to perform optimally. Befriend your stress. When it becomes overwhelming, recognise that it’s happening, allow it to be there, investigate where it’s living in your body, and nurture that part of yourself. Talk to a trusted friend in times of excessive or toxic stress. Do whatever you need to come back home to yourself. Rest. Drink water. Eat nutritious food. Shower or bathe. Spend time outdoors in nature. Watch something on tv. Listen to music. Come home to your true self, recharge the batteries, and then jump back in. You’re allowed to switch off for a while.

11. Practice, practice, practice

Relationship skills can be learnt. Don’t be discouraged. Remember that social connections are good for you. If you feel like you need support to build better connections skills, a counsellor or therapist can help.

We learn from new experiences. They create, wire, and strengthen, neural pathways in the brain. You can be silent and listen during social interactions. Get curious about the other person. Ask questions. Share some of your story and ideas. And breath. Practice makes progress – not perfection.

NOTE: All these skills will require practice

1. Cognitive (thinking) techniques

• Identify your stressors or potential stressors. Sometimes, “stress” is frustration or fear in disguise.
• Plan ahead
• Decision making and problem solving
• Accept what we cannot change

Changing how we see stressful situations

We may not be able to change our circumstances, but we can see them differently (Forsyth & Eifert, 2016). For example, stress can be viewed as an experience that will support our learning, growth, and personal development.

Technique: Accept – Choose – Take action

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) has proven valuable for people learning to manage anxiety and stress; it encourages:

• Letting go of the struggles that keep them stuck
• Cultivating peace of mind
• Accepting what is, and doing what works

Rather than struggle to reduce stress and anxiety, we:

a. accept what we are already experiencing and then 

b. choose the direction we would like our life to take, and then

c. take action that reflects are values

Technique: Radical acceptance

Radical acceptance is often practiced within Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT).  Radical acceptance is based on the notion that suffering does not come directly from painful experiences but our attachment to them. For example, workplace stress may be more about your identity and status in the workplace rather than the stress itself.

Radical acceptance means fully accepting everything that you are experiencing in the present moment i.e., thoughts, feelings, emotions, body sensations, reactions, attitude, environment etc. We fully accept the present moment because what we resist persists. The more we deny reality the more painful (or unpleasant) we will perceive it to be. Radical acceptance is about saying “yes” to exactly what is happening for us in the moment.

• Radical acceptance is about accepting life on life’s terms and not resisting what one cannot or chooses not to change.
• Accepting doesn’t mean agreeing. It’s simply exhausting to fight reality, and it doesn’t work.
• Resisting reality delays healing and adds suffering to one’s pain.

Technique: Challenging core beliefs

Our core beliefs can shape how we face up to the difficult times and how we react to stress (Beck, 2011) and reconstructing them in a balanced way that allows room for perceived shortcomings.

Humans subconsciously “look for” evidence to support their core beliefs about themselves and the world.

You may have to take mental control to actively on-purpose look for evidence to the contrary.

Technique: Acceptance of our thoughts and feelings

The goal of ACT is to accept what lies beyond our control and commit to life-enhancing actions instead.

There are six core processes in ACT:

1. Contact with the Present Moment

Conscious awareness of your experience in the present moment enables you to perceive accurately what is happening Gives you important information about whether to change or persist in behaviour Enables you to ‘catch’ cognitive fusion ‘in flight’ Allows you to engage fully in what you are doing.

2. Acceptance

Actively contacting psychological experiences directly, fully, and without needless defense Definition: defused, open, undefended contact with the present moment, as a fully conscious human being.

‘Opening yourself fully to experience, as it is, not as your mind says it is’.

3. Defusion

Looking at thoughts, rather than from thoughts Noticing thoughts, rather than being caught up in thoughts Seeing thoughts as what they are, not as what they seem to be Aim of Defusion is NOT to feel better, nor to get rid of unwanted thoughts Aim of Defusion IS to reduce influence of unhelpful cognitive processes upon behaviour; to facilitate being psychologically present & engaged in experience; to facilitate awareness of language processes, in order to enhance psychological flexibility.

4. Self-as-context or The Observing Self:

Observe and accept all changing experiences.

How rigid is your thinking? Allow for psychological flexibility. Think in new ways. Consider other perspectives. Ask people for their perspective.

It is a process, not a thing: an awareness of awareness itself: ‘pure awareness’.

It is that aspect of a human being that does all the noticing/observing of one’s inner and outer world. You could call this “meta-awareness” or “pure awareness” if you prefer: it’s the awareness of one’s awareness, or the noticing of one’s noticing, or the consciousness of one’s consciousness.

5. Values

 Chosen life directions ‘Your heart’s deepest desires for the sort of person you want to be and the things you want to do in your time on this planet; in other words, what you want to stand for in life’ Provide motivation & inspiration Provide guidance for your actions Give life meaning Give a sense of abundance Are different to goals 6.Committed Action Overt behaviour in the service of values (may require skills training) Committed action is: values-guided, effective & mindful

Technique: Meditation for acceptance

Meditation is a powerful tool for accepting stressful situations and difficult emotions. Bring your attention, non-judgementally, to your mind, body, and environment. Here are some alternative definitions:

 “Bringing one’s complete attention to the present experience on a moment-to-moment basis.” (Marlatt & Kristeller)

“Paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally” (Kabat-Zinn).

“The nonjudgmental observation of the ongoing stream of internal and external stimuli as they arise.” (Baer)

“Awareness of present experience with acceptance.” (Germer, Segal, Fulton)

“Consciously bringing awareness to your here-and-now experience, with openness, interest, and receptiveness.”

Allow everything to be just as it is. Do the following to start for 2 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, or as long as you like, whenever you like:

1. Take a seat. Find place to sit that feels calm and quiet to you.

2. Set a time limit.

3. Notice your body.

4. Feel your breath.

5. Notice when your mind has wandered.

6. Be kind to your wandering mind.

7. Close with kindness.

Technique: Grounding and centering

• 5-4-3-2-1 Technique

Using the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, you will purposefully take in the details of your surroundings using each of your senses. Strive to notice small details that your mind would usually tune out, such as distant sounds, or the texture of an ordinary object.

Vision	What are 5 things you can see? Look for small details such as a pattern on the ceiling, the way light reflects off a surface, or an object you never noticed.
Touch	What are 4 things you can feel? Notice the sensation of clothing on your body, the sun on your skin, or the feeling of the chair you are sitting in. Pick up an object and examine its weight, texture, and other physical qualities.
Sound	What are 3 things you can hear? Pay special attention to the sounds your mind has tuned out, such as a ticking clock, distant traffic, or trees blowing in the wind.
Smell	What are 2 things you can smell? Try to notice smells in the air around you, like an air freshener or freshly mowed grass. You may also look around for something that has a scent, such as a flower or an unlit candle.
Taste	What is 1 thing you can taste? Carry gum, candy, or small snacks for this step. Pop one in your mouth and focus your attention closely on the flavours.

• Naming categories

Choose a category (e.g., colours, shapes, textures), then look around the room and name all of the things you can see in that category.

Cold water

Have a few slow sips of cold water, feeling the sensation of the cold water in your mouth and notice the sensation as you swallow.

Washing your face with cold water can also reduce your heart rate and lower stress levels.

• Counting

Count backwards from 20. You can do this as many times as you need to. Say to yourself that you are becoming calming as you count down each number.

• Notice your breath

Take a deep breath and as you exhale, imagine breathing out strongly through the soles of your feet. Feel the connection of your feet with the floor. Do this three times.

2. Behaviours that can protect our vulnerability to stressful situations

It is essential to consider what skills and tips we can use to manage stress and ultimately improve our wellbeing inside and outside work:

• Exercise i.e., running, swimming, resistance training, aerobics etc.
• Eating healthy foods
• Avoiding alcohol and other drugs
• Recommended sleep at the recommended times i.e., 8 hours during the night hours.
• See your GP if you are experiencing physical or psychiatric illness
• Spend time with family and friends
• Engage in a hobby or create a hobby
• Meditation, yoga, group exercise, group mindfulness classes
• Listening to music
• Setting a time to watch tv and having boundaries re length of time watching tv
• Read a book

Self-care tips

Life, and particularly work, can be stressful. Self-care is essential to keep us functioning well and improving our overall wellbeing (Bush, 2015).

The following aspects of our health are vital to our wellbeing and crucial for managing stress better. Ask yourself the following questions when your intuition tells you that you may be in a deficit:

1. Without sleep, we cannot think clearly – are you getting sufficient sleep?
2. Exercise is one of the best cures for stress – are you prioritizing physical activity?
3. Our brain is maintained by the food we eat – are you eating a balanced and varied diet?
4. Healthy relationships are vital for our wellbeing – are you making time for the people you care about?
5. Self-expression enriches who we are and how we live – are you giving the focus you would like to the things you are passionate about?
6. Community and spirituality ground who we are and how we live – how can you make yourself more open to both?

Managing stress in the workplace

Stress is a significant factor in many workplaces, resulting in countless hours lost due to time off or non-productive hours. We may think the responsibility is on workplaces to create environments that reduce stress and help workplace stress, but it’s also very much an individual responsibility.

Putting in place each of the following will help (modified from HBR guide to beating burnout, 2021):

1. Increase psychological safety
   Trust and collaboration will reduce the perception that the workplace is a threat.
2. Build regular break times
   We cannot focus for beyond 120 minutes without appropriate rest breaks. Build them into the day and encourage people to use them.
3. Encourage the use of private workspaces
   Open offices often have many distractions that can frustrate staff when unable to concentrate. Supply private workplaces where staff can focus without interruption.
4. Set boundaries around time outside of work
   The borders between work and personal life are often blurred, especially if working remotely. Set clear expectations and stick to them.
5. Create flexible work policies
   Juggling work and family life is not easy. Flexibility can remove or reduce that stress without feelings of guilt.
6. Make sure people are in the right roles
   When staff are doing jobs they enjoy and are well supported they thrive and take challenges in their stride.
7. Encourage autonomy
   Micromanaging is stressful for everyone. Give teams the autonomy to manage their own projects and staff their individual tasks.

3. Further Stress Relief Activities

Positive emotions such as joy, awe, hope, and optimism are essential to living the good life and are known stress relief techniques. They strengthen our psychological resources for overcoming tough, stressful times (Seligman, 2011).

Boosting positive emotions

• Practice gratitude. A helpful way to practice gratitude is to think of everything you have in life and imagine if something was taken away.
• Spent time with people who you love.
• Do something kind for someone else.
• Spend time in nature.
• Take a break from screens (tv, mobiles, computers).
• Take a break from listening to the news.
• Take a work holiday.
• Laugh more – find something to laugh about and share it with someone. How often are you laughing?

Build hope

Hope is a positive, optimistic frame of mind in which we expect good events and scenarios to occur. The ability to remain hopeful can help you bounce back more effectively from life’s difficulties when they crop up (Seligman, 2011).

Improving self-awareness

Mindful reflection can leave us grounded and better aware of ourselves and our situation. The Who am I without this stress? exercise helps us focus on what is “right” with us rather than what is “wrong”.

Once centred by our breathing, ask yourself to consider:

What do I value most in life?
Are my current stressors more important than what’s most important?
What do I enjoy doing?
What do I look forward to every day?
When do I feel at my best?

Change the way you talk to yourself

When we are stressed, we sometimes say negative or self-defeating things to ourselves. Unhelpful self-talk might include things like, “I can’t cope”, “I’m too busy to deal with all this”, “This is all their fault”, or “I’ll never get this done”. Negative self-talk can make it more difficult to manage stress.

Notice your self-talk and work on using helpful, soothing, and calming self-talk, such as, “I am coping well given what I have on my plate”, “Relax, this stressful time will pass”, or “This is a stressful situation, but what is one thing I can do to help me get through this?”

Ask yourself:

• Am I overestimating the likelihood of a negative outcome?
• Am I overestimating how bad the consequences will be?
• Am I underestimating my ability to cope?