Webb Therapy Uncategorized When our intelligent and necessary emotion – ANGER – becomes unhealthy and damaging

When our intelligent and necessary emotion – ANGER – becomes unhealthy and damaging

The function of anger is to protect vulnerability and neutralize threat.

The threat humans cognitively perceive is almost always to the ego i.e., how we want to think of ourselves and have others think of us. Anger neutralizes ego-threat by devaluing, demeaning, or undermining the “power” of the person perceived to be threatening. Humans get angry when they don’t get what they want, when they’re disrespected, or when they perceive something is unjust/unfair. Anger, the emotion, is a chemical messenger. It communicates to us, to others, and motivates us to act, speak, do something. Healthy responses to anger include being assertive, feeling empowered, protecting ourselves and love ones from ACTUAL threat, setting boundaries with others, and making social change for justice (for example). It becomes unhealthy when we become passive-aggressive, violent, vengeful, spiteful, aggressive, resentful, sarcastic, “moody”, rude etc.

Receive the message and respond from a wise, calm place after the intensity of the emotion has past. Sometimes we have to act in the moment. Our ancestors may have required this for fight/flight survival. These days, we can generally PAUSE and calm the self before responding from a mindful and compassionate heart and mind. Remember: Hurt people, hurt people.

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The ‘Triune Brain’ theory by Neuroscientist Paul MacLean — an evolutionary perspectiveThe ‘Triune Brain’ theory by Neuroscientist Paul MacLean — an evolutionary perspective

The Concept of the "Triune Brain"

In the 1960s, American neuroscientist Paul MacLean formulated the ‘Triune Brain’ model, which is based on the division of the human brain into three distinct regions. MacLean’s model suggests the human brain is organized into a hierarchy, which itself is based on an evolutionary view of brain development. The three regions are as follows:

  1. Reptilian or Primal Brain (Basal Ganglia)
  2. Paleomammalian or Emotional Brain (Limbic System)
  3. Neomammalian or Rational Brain (Neocortex)

At the most basic level, the brainstem (Primal Brain) helps us identify familiar and unfamiliar things. Familiar things are usually seen as safe and preferable, while unfamiliar things are treated with suspicion until we have assessed them and the context in which they appear. For this reason, designers, advertisers, and anyone else involved in selling products tend to use familiarity as a means of evoking pleasant emotions.

Same-sex dating challenges when you’re over 30Same-sex dating challenges when you’re over 30

1. High selectivity is normal, especially as we get older

When you enter the post-20’s dating world, your life experience has shaped your preferences. You’ve likely developed clear ideas of what you want in a partner, both in terms of personality and compatibility.

  • This means it’s natural to not feel interested in most people you date.
  • Selectivity isn’t a problem—it often reflects self-knowledge and maturity.

2. Same-sex dating dynamics can be tricky

  • In male same-sex dating, especially in places like Sydney, there can be a stronger focus on physical attraction in initial meetings.
  • That can make it harder to find someone you genuinely click with emotionally or mentally, because a lot of initial dating chemistry may feel superficial or performance-based.

3. Emotional vs. physical attraction

  • Your emotional and intellectual connection becomes [more] key to your interest.
  • You may feel attracted physically to some, but if the emotional or personality resonance isn’t there, you simply won’t want to continue. That’s perfectly normal.

4. Reciprocity matters a lot

  • Humans are wired for reciprocal interest: when it’s not returned, our brains often disengage emotionally to protect ourselves from disappointment.
  • This can make dating feel discouraging because your standards and their feelings don’t always align.

5. Psychological patterns that could be at play

  • High self-awareness: You know what you want and won’t settle.
  • Emotional caution: After multiple dates where interest isn’t reciprocated, your mind may naturally limit attachment until someone truly matches your criteria.
  • Confirmation bias in dating: You notice quickly when someone isn’t “right,” which is good for avoiding poor matches—but can also make you feel like genuine connections are rare.

6. This is very common for mature adults dating

  • Many people in their late 30s–40s experience the same thing.
  • Your dating pool is smaller because you’re looking for someone with very specific qualities (age, personality, emotional intelligence, compatibility).

Practical advice for dating in this context

a. Broaden [wisely] your dating strategies

  • While selectivity is good, small adjustments in mindset can increase your chances:
    • Look beyond initial “type” indicators and give people a bit more time to reveal personality.
    • Join social groups or interest-based communities (sports clubs, arts, volunteering, LGBTQ+ meetups). Often chemistry develops in shared activity contexts rather than first-date settings.

b. Focus on quality interactions

  • Instead of increasing quantity, increase meaningfulness: fewer, more intentional dates with people you have some natural overlap with (values, lifestyle, humor).
  • Online apps can be helpful, but try to filter for shared interests or mutual values to save time and emotional energy.

c. Work on internal calibration

  • Reflect on what triggers your strong attraction. Are there patterns (personality, energy, humor, confidence)?
  • This helps to recognize potential even if it’s not immediately intense, and also helps articulate your preferences clearly to prospective dates.

d. Manage expectations

  • It’s normal for the dating ratio (you like → they like) to be low, especially with high selectivity. Patience is key.
  • Celebrate the small wins: every connection you explore, even if it doesn’t last, builds social and emotional insight.

e. Emotional self-care

  • Rejection is part of the process and rarely personal—it’s more about compatibility.
  • Maintain supportive friendships, hobbies, and self-affirmation to avoid over-investing emotionally in every date.

Mindset shift suggestion

Instead of thinking:

“There are very few people I want to see again, and they don’t feel the same way”

Try:

“I’m selective and I know what I want. Meeting the right person may take time, but each date helps me understand myself and my preferences more clearly.”

This subtle mindset shift reduces pressure and anxiety, while keeping your standards intact.

Fact. Truth. Belief. They are related but distinct. Here’s a clear explanation showing how they differ and interact:Fact. Truth. Belief. They are related but distinct. Here’s a clear explanation showing how they differ and interact:


1. Fact

Definition:
A fact is something that is objectively real and can be proven to be true. It exists independently of what anyone thinks or believes.

Example:

  • It is a fact that Australia is in the Southern Hemisphere.

Key Points:

  • Facts don’t change based on opinion.
  • They can be verified with evidence (e.g. scientific data, observation, reliable records).
  • Facts are the foundation upon which truth claims and beliefs can be tested.

2. Truth

Definition:
Truth is a quality of a statement or belief that accurately reflects reality or fact.

Example:

  • “Australia is in the Southern Hemisphere” is a true statement because it corresponds with the fact.

Key Points:

  • Truth depends on alignment with facts.
  • Truth is often expressed in language or claims (“That’s true”, “That’s not true”).
  • Something can be true even if no one believes it (e.g. the Earth orbited the Sun even when most people thought otherwise).

3. Belief

Definition:
A belief is something a person thinks or accepts as true, whether or not it actually is.

Example:

  • Someone might believe that kangaroos can be kept as pets in all Australian states — but that belief isn’t necessarily true or factual.

Key Points:

  • Beliefs are subjective — they vary between individuals and cultures.
  • A belief can be true or false, depending on whether it aligns with facts.
  • People often act based on their beliefs, regardless of whether they are accurate.

How They Interact

  • A belief can be true or false:
    → If your belief aligns with fact, it’s true.
    → If not, it’s false — even if sincerely held.
  • Truth depends on fact:
    → A statement is true if it correctly describes a fact.
  • Facts stand alone:
    → They are not changed by belief or opinion.