I strongly encourage viewers, readers, and interested friends to visit Tara’s website Tara Brach – Meditation, Psychologist, Author, Teacher. So much of what I consider to be true and helpful is the wisdom I have learned from Tara Brach, an American psychologist, author, and proponent of Buddhist meditation – but more than that, she is authentic, compassionate and honest.
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Problematic Thinking Styles (continued)Problematic Thinking Styles (continued)
Hello readers! A few of the cognitive styles below were mentioned in my last post. As humans, we have a tendency to forget things so a bit of revision can be useful.
Many people have cognitive processes that result in overall unhelpful thinking styles that they tend to apply globally across situations and which may result in emotional distress (such as depression or anxiety) or unhelpful behaviours (such as anger or avoidance). Some of the most problematic thinking styles are listed in the extract below.
Mental Filter: This thinking styles involves a “filtering in” and “filtering out” process – a sort of “tunnel vision”, focusing on only one part of a situation and ignoring the rest. Usually this means looking at the negative parts of a situation and forgetting the positive parts, and the whole picture is coloured by what may be a single negative detail.
Jumping to Conclusions: I’m sure you’ve heard people say on television, “Don’t jump to conclusions” or “The truth is we just don’t know yet”. We jump to conclusions when we assume that we know what someone else is thinking (mind reading) and when we make predictions about what is going to happen in the future (predictive thinking).
Personalisation: This involves blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong or could go wrong, even when you may only be partly responsible or not responsible at all. You might be taking 100% responsibility for the occurrence of external events.
Catastrophising: Catastrophising occurs when we “blow things out of proportion” and we view the situation as terrible, awful, dreadful, and horrible, even though the reality is that the problem itself is quite small. A helpful restructuring of this cognition is to ask yourself if the situation will still be awful, terrible, or dreadful in a month. There may be ongoing consequences or stress involved if you lose a job or a relationship ends, so validate the experience you are having but also take a look at the big picture. What’s the worst that could happen? Why is the worst so “bad”? And if you are being realistic about the issue, reach out for some help if you can.
Black & White Thinking: This thinking style involves seeing only one extreme or the other. You are either wrong or right, good or bad and so on. There are no in-betweens or shades of grey.
Should-ing and Must-ing: Sometimes by saying “I should…” or “I must…” you can put unreasonable demands or pressure on yourself and others. Although these statements are not always unhelpful (e.g. “I should not get drunk and drive home”), they can sometimes create unrealistic expectations.
Overgeneralisation: When we overgeneralise, we take one instance in the past or present, and impose it on all current or future situations. If we say “You always…” or “Everyone…”, or “I never…” then we are probably overgeneralising.
Labelling: We label ourselves and others when we make global statements based on behaviour in specific situations. We might use this label even though there are many more examples that aren’t consistent with that label.
Emotional Reasoning: This thinking style involves basing your view of situations or yourself on the way you are feeling. For example, the only evidence that something bad is going to happen is that you feel like something bad is going to happen. I live with anxiety and it can be debilitating at times. I use my “wiser thinking” or “rational thinking” to evaluate whether I am operating from an emotional mindset. You might ask yourself: “What’s the evidence?”, “Does the past necessarily predict the future?”, “Am I angry or fearful right now because that might be clouding my judgement?”. It can be helpful to talk to someone who isn’t caught in your emotional headspace, or perhaps wait for the emotion to subside to think about the situation again.
Magnification and Minimisation: In this thinking style, you magnify the positive attributes of other people and minimise your own positive attributes. It’s as though you’re explaining away your own positive characteristics.
(CCI, 2008)
Suicidality: Talking About Suicide and SupportSuicidality: Talking About Suicide and Support
Supporting someone who’s having thoughts of suicide is one of the most important, and at times most challenging, parts of a support persons role. People who experience suicidality can vary from passing ideas to serious planning and often come from a place of deep emotional pain. We all have a duty to respond with care, compassion, and an attempt to understand the experience in a way that keeps safety at the heart of every conversation.
Firstly, if you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, please know that you’re not broken or beyond help. These thoughts often come when emotional pain feels unbearable and we can’t see a way out. But things can shift, and help is available. We may spend much of our time alone, and we can feel alone even in a crowded room, but you are not alone in this. Suicidality is not uncommon.
The Numbers Today
According to the latest figures (ABS, 2023):
Suicide is the leading cause of death for Australians aged 15 to 44.
In 2022, over 3,100 people died by suicide—about 8.6 deaths each day.
Men account for 75% of those deaths, though women attempt suicide more often (but less often fatally).
According to the Black Dog Institute, roughly 65,000 Australians attempt suicide each year, while around 3,200 die by suicide annually.
Rates among Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples are more than double the national average.
People living in rural and remote areas face higher suicide risks due to isolation, limited services, and other pressures.
Why Does the Mind Think About Suicide?
From a humanistic psychology point of view, suicidal thoughts are not signs of illness or failure, they are a deep emotional signal that something in your life or environment needs care, change, or healing.
Each person and living creature on the planet are inherently worthy, with an innate drive to survive, grow, connect, and for humans, find meaning. When life feels full of suffering, such as grief, isolation, trauma, shame, or hopelessness, the mind may start to believe that death is the only way to stop the pain.
In this view, suicidal thoughts are often not about wanting to die—but about wanting the pain to stop.
They arise when:
You feel disconnected from others or from yourself.
You feel stuck in circumstances that seem unchangeable.
You believe your worth or purpose has been lost.
You’re exhausted from holding on or pretending you’re okay.
But the humanistic perspective also holds this powerful truth: you are more than your pain, and within you is a capacity for healing, choice, and change, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
Treat Yourself with Compassion, Not Criticism
It’s easy to get caught in a spiral of self-blame. But you are not weak or selfish. You are a human being who is hurting—and just like you wouldn’t shame someone for being in physical pain, you deserve the same care when your pain is emotional.
Ask yourself:
If someone I loved felt this way, what would I want them to know?
Then try to offer yourself the same kindness.
Reach Out – Connection Saves Lives
Talking to someone can ease the intensity of what you’re feeling. You don’t have to explain everything. Just saying, “I’m not okay right now,” is enough to start.
Lifeline 13 11 14
Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636
Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
13YARN (Support for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples): 13 92 76
QLife – National LGBTQIA+ Peer Support and Referral Service: 1800 184 527
Hours: 3pm – Midnight (local time), every day
What they offer: Confidential, non-judgemental, and inclusive support from trained LGBTQIA+ peer workers. They are not a crisis line like Lifeline, but they can support people in distress and connect you with further help if you’re at risk.
How Counselling Can Help: Evidence-Based Approaches
Counsellors and Psychologists don’t rely on guesswork when helping someone who’s feeling suicidal. They use researched strategies to support recovery. Here are a few key approaches:
Collaborative Assessment and Management of Suicidality (CAMS): This method focuses on working together with the person in distress, rather than telling them what to do. It aims reduce suicidal thoughts more effectively than traditional therapy.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Suicide Prevention (CBT-SP): This version of CBT focuses specifically on managing suicidal thoughts by teaching problem-solving and positive thinking strategies.
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT): Originally designed for people with intense emotions or borderline personality disorder, DBT is now widely used to reduce suicide risk by teaching emotional regulation, mindfulness, and better relationship skills.
Safety Planning: This involves creating a personalised plan for what someone can do when they feel at risk, including who to call, calming strategies, and safe places to go.
Means Restriction Counselling: This involves helping someone reduce their access to anything they might use to harm themselves, like certain medications or weapons, done through sensitive, respectful conversations.
Barriers to Speaking Up
Even with growing public awareness, there’s still a strong stigma around suicide. Many people worry they’ll be judged, locked up, or shamed if they admit they’re struggling. These fears can stop people from reaching out for help, which is why creating a safe, non-judgmental space is so important in counselling.
Rural and Remote Communities
People in regional and remote parts of Australia often find it harder to access mental health support. Telehealth (online or phone sessions) has helped bridge that gap, but it’s not always easy to pick up on non-verbal cues or respond to crises from a distance.
Cultural Awareness Matters
For Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, suicide cannot be separated from the impacts of colonisation, loss of culture, and ongoing trauma. Culturally safe, community-led solutions are essential and more effective in these contexts.
Remember That Feelings Change—Even the Darkest Ones
It may not feel like it right now, but these feelings will pass. Emotions are like waves—sometimes crashing, sometimes calm—but never permanent.
What you feel today is not a life sentence. With support and time, things can change. You deserve the chance to see what healing and hope feel like.
Safe Haven NSW Services (for suicidal distress, NOT EDs)
Please check official websites for update information re contact information, hours of operation, and status of operation i.e., still operating. The information on this website has been collected June 2025.
Safe Havens are calm, non-clinical spaces where you can talk with peer workers and mental health clinicians if you’re in emotional crisis — no appointment needed.
No police or emergency involvement unless requested or necessary.
Warm, trauma-informed and recovery-focused.
🔗Find your local Safe Haven: nsw.gov.au/mental-health-initiatives/safe-haven
Examples:
Safe Haven locations across NSW — these are welcoming, non-clinical places where anyone feeling suicidal or in deep distress can drop in and speak to peer workers or mental health clinicians. No appointment, referral, or Medicare card needed. Visit the following for operating hours and locations across NSW: Safe Haven
Regional & Metro Locations
Campbelltown / Ambarvale (SWSLHD)
Address: 80 Woodhouse Drive, Ambarvale (Campbelltown area)
Open Mon, Fri, Sat, Sun 2 – 9 pm
Phone: 0457 093 109 during hours swslhd.health.nsw.gov.au
North Ryde (Macquarie Hospital)
For youth aged 12–17 (sometimes to 18 if still at school)
Open daily 4 – 8 pm and public holidays nslhd.health.nsw.gov.au
Parramatta / Westmead
Drop-in at 26 Grand Ave, Westmead
Open Sun–Wed 3:30 – 9:30 pm
Phone: 0436 377 113
Bega Safe Haven, Bega, NSW, Australia, Supports 14 + in a calm, welcoming space.
Broken Hill Safe Haven, Broken Hill, NSW, Australia, Supports 17 + with peer and clinician support
Brookvale Safe Haven, Brookvale, NSW, Australia, High‑school aged young people support
Darlinghurst, NSW, Australia, 16 + LGBTQIA+ inclusive spot at St Vincent’s
St Vincent’s O’Brien Centre, 390 Victoria Street, Darlinghurst NSW 2010
Hours: Monday: closed, Tuesday: closed, Wednesday: 5:00pm – 8:30pm, Thursday: 5:00pm – 8:30pm, Friday: 5:00pm – 8:30pm, Saturday: 12:00pm – 4:00pm, Sunday: 12:00pm – 4:00pm.
Gosford Safe Haven, General adult Safe Haven
Corner of Ambulance Road and Holden Street, Gosford NSW 2250
Hours: Monday: 9:00am – 4:30pm, Tuesday: 9:00am – 4:30pm, Wednesday: 9:00am – 4:30pm, Thursday: 9:00am – 4:30pm, Friday: 9:00am – 4:30pm, Saturday: closed, Sunday: closed, Closed on public holidays
Phone: (02) 4394 1597
Kogarah Safe Haven, Kogarah, NSW, Australia,16 + adults,
U2/15 Kensington St, Kogarah NSW 2217
Phone: (02) 9113 2981
There’s nothing ‘fake’ about ‘faking it until you make it’There’s nothing ‘fake’ about ‘faking it until you make it’
When to Fake It Till You Make It (and When You Shouldn’t)
Faking it for the right reasons can change you for the better. Here’s why.
Posted Jun 27, 2016By Amy Morin
One day, a client came to see me because she felt socially awkward. She knew that her inability to make small talk was holding her back both personally and professionally. As a shy person, she hated going to networking events. But making connections was vital to her career.I asked, “What do you usually do when you go to a networking event?” She said, “I stand awkwardly off to the side and wait to see if anyone will come talk to me.” I asked her, “What would you do differently if you felt confident?” and she said, “I’d initiate conversation and introduce myself to people.”
Right then and there, she discovered the solution to her problem: If she wanted to feel more confident, she had to act more confident. That wasn’t quite what she wanted to hear. She’d hoped for a solution that would immediately make her feel more confident. But the key to becoming more comfortable in social situations is practice.Her instinct was to wait until she felt more confident, but that confidence wasn’t going to magically appear out of thin air—especially if she was standing around by herself. However, if she started talking to people like a confident person, she’d have an opportunity to experience successful social interactions, and each of these would boost her confidence.
Acting “As If”
Acting “as if” is a common prescription in psychotherapy. It’s based on the idea that if you behave like the person you want to become, you’ll become like this in reality:
1. If you want to feel happier, do what happy people do—smile.
2. If you want to get more work done, act as if you are a productive person.
3. If you want to have more friends, behave like a friendly person.
4. If you want to improve your relationship, practice being a good partner.Too often we hesitate to spring into action. Instead, we wait until everything feels just right or until we think we’re ready. But research shows that changing your behavior first can change the way you think and feel.
The Biggest Mistake Most People Make
Faking it until you make it only works when you correctly identify something within yourself that’s holding you back. Behaving like the person you want to become is about changing the way you feel and the way you think.If your motives are to prove your worth to other people, however, your efforts won’t be successful, and research shows that this approach actually backfires. A study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that people who tried to prove their worth to others were more likely to dwell on their shortcomings. Ambitious professionals who wore luxury clothing in an effort to appear successful, and MBA students who wore Rolex watches to increase their self-worth just ended up feeling like bigger failures. Even worse, their attempts to project an image of success impaired their self-control. They struggled to resist temptation when they tried to prove that they were successful. Putting so much effort into faking it used up their mental resources and interfered with their ability to make good choices.
How to “Fake It” the Right Way
Acting “as if” doesn’t mean being phony or inauthentic. It’s about changing your behavior first and trusting the feelings will follow. As long as your motivation is in the right place, faking it until you make it can effectively make your goals become reality. Just make sure you’re interested in changing yourself on the inside, not simply trying to change other people’s perceptions of you.