You attract what you are, not what you want. The Universe always balances itself out. Hence, Yin and Yang is everywhere we look and everywhere we cannot see.

As I always like to say, there are as many reasons why people self-sabotage as there are people. A common theme is to protect the self from failure, feeling things we don’t want to feel, and to control our experiences.

One of the hidden culprits behind self-sabotage is the need for perfection and control. Self-sabotage has a strange way of helping us maintain the illusion that if only we had put in more effort or had better circumstances, everything would have worked out as it should. Social psychologists call this counter-intuitive strategy of regulating self-esteem ‘self-handicapping.’ It’s very seductive to engage in self-sabotage because the hidden payoff is high. It’s often easier to be a perfect whole rather than a real part. It’s a short-term solution that sidesteps the more arduous but ultimately more fulfilling work of individuation and self-realization. It takes risk, patience, suffering, and ultimately wisdom to come to the place where you can let go of self-sabotage and learn how to be real.

Behaviour is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems in daily life and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviors include procrastination, self-medication with alcohol and other drugs, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting.

Self-sabotage originates in the internal critic we all have, the side that has been internalized by the undermining and negative voices we’ve encountered in our lives. This critic and ‘internal sabotuer,’ functions to keep the person from risking being hurt, shamed, or traumatized in the ways they had been in the past. While it keeps the individual safe, it does so at a very high cost, foreclosing the possibility of new, creative, and three-dimensional experiences. Like an addiction, self-sabotage insidiously lulls and deludes us into thinking that it has the answer. In fact, it is the problem masquerading as the solution. Nothing stops self-sabotage faster in its tracks than shining this particular light on it. Consciousness is true power. We need to let go of our illusions of omnipotence and perfection and see that it is only when we are real and imperfect that we can create a true work of art. Then and only then we can enjoy the gifts of being Real.

– Michael Alcée, Ph.D., Relational therapist/ Clinical psychologistArt: Bawa Manjit, Acrobat

– Self-Sabotage | Psychology Today Australia

Psychologists believe that the core issues of anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa are multifaceted, involving a combination of biological, psychological, and social factors. Here are some of the key issues:

Anorexia Nervosa

1. Distorted Body Image: Individuals with anorexia often have a distorted perception of their body size and shape, seeing themselves as overweight even when they are underweight.
2. Intense Fear of Gaining Weight: There is an overwhelming fear of gaining weight or becoming fat, which drives restrictive eating behaviors.
3. Control Issues: Anorexia can be a way for individuals to exert control over their lives, especially if they feel powerless in other areas.
4. Perfectionism: Many individuals with anorexia have perfectionistic tendencies, striving for an unattainable ideal of thinness.
5. Emotional Regulation: Restricting food intake can be a way to manage or numb difficult emotions and stress.

Bulimia Nervosa

1. Binge-Purge Cycle: Bulimia is characterized by cycles of binge eating followed by purging behaviors such as vomiting, excessive exercise, or misuse of laxatives.
2. Body Dissatisfaction: Similar to anorexia, individuals with bulimia often have a negative body image and are preoccupied with their weight and shape.
3. Impulsivity: Bulimia is often associated with impulsive behaviors and difficulties in regulating emotions.
4. Shame and Guilt: After binge eating, individuals with bulimia often feel intense shame and guilt, which perpetuates the cycle of purging3.
5. Co-occurring Mental Health Issues: Anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders are commonly seen in individuals with bulimia.

Both disorders are complex and can have severe physical and psychological consequences. Treatment typically involves addressing these core issues through therapy, medical monitoring, nutritional counselling, and support groups.

The function of anger is to protect vulnerability and neutralize threat.

The threat humans cognitively perceive is almost always to the ego i.e., how we want to think of ourselves and have others think of us. Anger neutralizes ego-threat by devaluing, demeaning, or undermining the “power” of the person perceived to be threatening. Humans get angry when they don’t get what they want, when they’re disrespected, or when they perceive something is unjust/unfair. Anger, the emotion, is a chemical messenger. It communicates to us, to others, and motivates us to act, speak, do something. Healthy responses to anger include being assertive, feeling empowered, protecting ourselves and love ones from ACTUAL threat, setting boundaries with others, and making social change for justice (for example). It becomes unhealthy when we become passive-aggressive, violent, vengeful, spiteful, aggressive, resentful, sarcastic, “moody”, rude etc.

Receive the message and respond from a wise, calm place after the intensity of the emotion has past. Sometimes we have to act in the moment. Our ancestors may have required this for fight/flight survival. These days, we can generally PAUSE and calm the self before responding from a mindful and compassionate heart and mind. Remember: Hurt people, hurt people.