Self-absorption, self-obsession, the need for validation from others, toxic vanity, being in the spotlight … the list goes on. Please do not judge yourself if you possess any of the mentioned characteristics – however, I would encourage you to investigate if your self-worth and esteem are contingent on how others’ perceive you. Ideally, our self-worth comes from within. We do not need to seek it outside of ourselves. When you find yourself doing so, pause, and offer yourself what you need.

As I always like to say, there are as many reasons why people self-sabotage as there are people. A common theme is to protect the self from failure, feeling things we don’t want to feel, and to control our experiences.

One of the hidden culprits behind self-sabotage is the need for perfection and control. Self-sabotage has a strange way of helping us maintain the illusion that if only we had put in more effort or had better circumstances, everything would have worked out as it should. Social psychologists call this counter-intuitive strategy of regulating self-esteem ‘self-handicapping.’ It’s very seductive to engage in self-sabotage because the hidden payoff is high. It’s often easier to be a perfect whole rather than a real part. It’s a short-term solution that sidesteps the more arduous but ultimately more fulfilling work of individuation and self-realization. It takes risk, patience, suffering, and ultimately wisdom to come to the place where you can let go of self-sabotage and learn how to be real.

Behaviour is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems in daily life and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviors include procrastination, self-medication with alcohol and other drugs, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting.

Self-sabotage originates in the internal critic we all have, the side that has been internalized by the undermining and negative voices we’ve encountered in our lives. This critic and ‘internal sabotuer,’ functions to keep the person from risking being hurt, shamed, or traumatized in the ways they had been in the past. While it keeps the individual safe, it does so at a very high cost, foreclosing the possibility of new, creative, and three-dimensional experiences. Like an addiction, self-sabotage insidiously lulls and deludes us into thinking that it has the answer. In fact, it is the problem masquerading as the solution. Nothing stops self-sabotage faster in its tracks than shining this particular light on it. Consciousness is true power. We need to let go of our illusions of omnipotence and perfection and see that it is only when we are real and imperfect that we can create a true work of art. Then and only then we can enjoy the gifts of being Real.

– Michael Alcée, Ph.D., Relational therapist/ Clinical psychologistArt: Bawa Manjit, Acrobat

– Self-Sabotage | Psychology Today Australia

Psychologists believe that the core issues of anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa are multifaceted, involving a combination of biological, psychological, and social factors. Here are some of the key issues:

Anorexia Nervosa

1. Distorted Body Image: Individuals with anorexia often have a distorted perception of their body size and shape, seeing themselves as overweight even when they are underweight.
2. Intense Fear of Gaining Weight: There is an overwhelming fear of gaining weight or becoming fat, which drives restrictive eating behaviors.
3. Control Issues: Anorexia can be a way for individuals to exert control over their lives, especially if they feel powerless in other areas.
4. Perfectionism: Many individuals with anorexia have perfectionistic tendencies, striving for an unattainable ideal of thinness.
5. Emotional Regulation: Restricting food intake can be a way to manage or numb difficult emotions and stress.

Bulimia Nervosa

1. Binge-Purge Cycle: Bulimia is characterized by cycles of binge eating followed by purging behaviors such as vomiting, excessive exercise, or misuse of laxatives.
2. Body Dissatisfaction: Similar to anorexia, individuals with bulimia often have a negative body image and are preoccupied with their weight and shape.
3. Impulsivity: Bulimia is often associated with impulsive behaviors and difficulties in regulating emotions.
4. Shame and Guilt: After binge eating, individuals with bulimia often feel intense shame and guilt, which perpetuates the cycle of purging3.
5. Co-occurring Mental Health Issues: Anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders are commonly seen in individuals with bulimia.

Both disorders are complex and can have severe physical and psychological consequences. Treatment typically involves addressing these core issues through therapy, medical monitoring, nutritional counselling, and support groups.

Projection: Attributing one’s unacceptable feelings or desires to someone else. For example, if a bully constantly ridicules a peer about insecurities, the bully might be projecting his own struggle with self-esteem onto the other person.

Denial: Refusing to recognize or acknowledge real facts or experiences that would lead to anxiety. For instance, someone with substance use disorder might not be able to clearly see his problem.

Repression: Blocking difficult thoughts from entering into consciousness, such as a trauma survivor shutting out a tragic experience.

Regression: Reverting to the behaviour or emotions of an earlier developmental stage.

Rationalization: Justifying a mistake or problematic feeling with seemingly logical reasons or explanations.

Displacement: Redirecting an emotional reaction from the rightful recipient to another person altogether. For example, if a manager screams at an employee, the employee doesn’t scream back—but the employee may yell at her partner later that night.

Reaction Formation: Behaving or expressing the opposite of one’s true feelings. For instance, a man who feels insecure about his masculinity might act overly aggressive.

Sublimation: Channelling sexual or unacceptable urges into a productive outlet, such as work or a hobby.

Intellectualization: Focusing on the intellectual rather than emotional consequences of a situation. For example, if a roommate unexpectedly moved out, the other person might conduct a detailed financial analysis rather than discussing their hurt feelings.

Compartmentalization: Separating components of one’s life into different categories to prevent conflicting emotions.