Two Science-backed Ways to Ease a Worried Mind.

Unhelpful Cognitions

Mental Filter: This thinking style involves a “filtering in” and “filtering out” process – a sort of “tunnel vision”, focusing on only one part of a situation and ignoring the rest. Usually this means looking at the negative parts of a situation and forgetting the positive parts, and the whole picture is coloured by what may be a single negative detail.

Jumping to Conclusions: We jump to conclusions when we assume that we know what someone else is thinking (mind reading) and when we make predictions about what is going to happen in the future (predictive thinking).

Mind reading: Is a habitual thinking pattern characterized by expecting others to know what you’re thinking without having to tell them or expecting to know what others are thinking without them telling you. This is very common, and most people can identify. Oftentimes, when we are telling someone a story about an interaction, we’ve had with someone else, we will make mind reading assumptions without actually having fact or evidence e.g., “They haven’t phoned me in two weeks so they must be angry with me for cancelling on them last week.”

Personalisation: This involves blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong or could go wrong, even when you may only be partly responsible or not responsible at all. You might be taking 100% responsibility for the occurrence of external events. It can also involve blaming someone else for something for which they have no responsibility. This can often occur when setting a boundary with someone and you take responsibility for their guilt or anger.

Catastrophising: Catastrophising occurs when we “blow things out of proportion” and we view the situation as terrible, awful, dreadful, and horrible, even though the reality is that the problem itself may be quite small.

Black & White Thinking: Also known as splitting, dichotomous thinking, and all-or-nothing thinking, involves seeing only one side or the other (the positives or the negatives, for example). You are either wrong or right, good or bad and so on. There are no in-betweens or shades of grey.

Should-ing and Must-ing: Sometimes by saying “I should…” or “I must…” you can put unreasonable demands or pressure on yourself and others. Although these statements are not always unhelpful (e.g., “I should not get drunk and drive home”), they can sometimes create unrealistic expectations.

Should-ing and must-ing can be a psychological distortion because it can “deny reality” e.g., I shouldn’t have had so much to drink last night. This is helpful in the sense that it communicates to us that we have exceeded our boundaries, however, saying “shouldn’t” about a past situation can be futile because it cannot be changed.

Overgeneralisation: When we overgeneralise, we take one instance in the past or present, and impose it on all current or future situations. If we say, “You always…” or “Everyone…”, or “I never…” then we are probably overgeneralising.

Labelling: We label ourselves and others when we make global statements based on behaviour in specific situations. We might use this label even though there are many more examples that are not consistent with that label. Labelling is a cognitive distortion whereby we take one characteristic of a person/group/situation and apply it to the whole person/group/situation. Example: “Because I failed a test, I am a failure” or “Because she is frequently late to work, she is irresponsible”.

Emotional Reasoning: This thinking style involves basing your view of situations or yourself on the way you are feeling. For example, the only evidence that something bad is going to happen is that you feel like something bad is going to happen. Emotions and feelings are real however they are not necessarily indicative of objective truth or fact.

Magnification and Minimisation: In this thinking style, you magnify the positive attributes of other people and minimise your own positive attributes. Also known as the binocular effect on thinking. Often it means that you enlarge (magnify) the positive attributes of other people and shrink (minimise) your own attributes, just like looking at the world through either end of the same pair of binoculars.

(CCI, 2008)

Love isn’t a single chemical but it does involve powerful chemicals in your body. When people say “love is just chemicals,” that’s oversimplified. Love is a complex emotional and psychological experience, but it’s strongly influenced by brain chemistry.

Here are the main chemicals involved:

1. Dopamine — the reward chemical

This is linked to pleasure, motivation, and craving. When you’re attracted to someone, dopamine spikes, which is why love can feel exciting, addictive, and energising.

2. Oxytocin — the bonding hormone

Often called the “love hormone.” It’s released during physical touch, cuddling, sex, and even deep conversation. It helps create feelings of trust, attachment, and emotional closeness.

3. Vasopressin — attachment chemical

Plays a role in long-term bonding and pair attachment, especially in committed relationships.

4. Serotonin — mood regulator (also influences sleep, appetite, digestion and cognition)

Serotonin activity (or “signalling”) can shift during early romantic attraction, which may explain why you obsessively think about someone in the early stages.

5. Adrenaline & norepinephrine

These create the physical symptoms: racing heart, sweaty palms, butterflies.

Love isn’t just chemistry — but chemistry is part of how your brain creates the feeling. Think of it like this:

• Chemicals are the mechanism.
• Love is the experience.

Being “in love” isn’t always a big, dramatic lightning-bolt moment. It’s usually a mix of feelings, attachment, and a steady choice to be with someone. Here are some signs that often point to real love rather than just attraction or a crush:

1. You care about who they are, not just how they make you feel

You genuinely admire their character, values and quirks — even their flaws. You’re not just chasing the excitement; you actually like them as a person.

2. Their happiness matters to you

You want good things for them, even when it doesn’t directly benefit you. When they’re struggling, it affects you too.

3. You feel safe being yourself

You don’t feel like you have to put on an act. You can be honest, vulnerable and imperfect, and still feel accepted.

4. You naturally think long-term

When you picture the future, they’re in it — not because you’re forcing it, but because it just feels right.

5. It’s not only intense — it’s steady

A crush can feel all butterflies and nerves.
Love often feels calmer underneath it all — grounded, warm and secure.

6. You choose them

Even on the ordinary days. Even when they annoy you a bit. Love isn’t just a feeling; it’s a consistent decision to stay connected. A couple of questions you might ask yourself:

• If the excitement settled down, would I still want them around?
• Do I respect them?
• Do I feel more like myself with them — or less?

Love doesn’t always feel dramatic. Sometimes it’s quiet and steady — and that can be just as real.