Think about what it means to be human. Yes, we have internalised toxic levels of pressure to be a certain way. We also know, as we mature, that being a certain way it complete bull shit and nonsense. I saw a quote once that said “Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?” -Charles Bukowski. I don’t know who this person is, but it’s the truth. Come home to yourself, and reach out for help from a professional if you need some support or help with that.
‘The stages of change model’ was developed by Prochaska and DiClemente. Heard of them? It informs the development of brief and ongoing intervention strategies by providing a framework for what interventions/strategies are useful for particular individuals. Practitioners need an understanding of which ‘stage of change’ a person is in so that the most appropriate strategy for the individual client is selected.
There are five common stages within the Stages of Change model and a 6th known as “relapse”:
1. In the precontemplation stage, the person is either unaware of a problem that needs to be addressed OR aware of it but unwilling to change the problematic behaviour [or a behaviour they want to change. It does not always have to be labelled as “problematic”].
2. This is followed by a contemplation stage, characterized by ambivalence regarding the problem behaviour and in which the advantages and disadvantages of the behaviour, and of changing it, are evaluated, leading in many cases to decision-making.
3. In the preparation stage, a resolution to change is made, accompanied by a commitment to a plan of action. It is not uncommon for an individual to return to the contemplation stage or stay in the preparation stage for a while, for many reasons.
4. This plan is executed in the action stage, in which the individual engages in activities designed to bring change about and in coping with difficulties that arise.
5. If successful action is sustained, the person moves to the maintenance stage, in which an effort is made to consolidate the changes that have been made. Once these changes have been integrated into the lifestyle, the individual exits from the stages of change.
6. Relapse, however, is common, and it may take several journeys around the cycle of change, known as “recycling”, before change becomes permanent i.e., a lifestyle change; a sustainable change.
(Adapted from Heather & Honekopp, 2017)
Joy or happiness can motivate us to join in, take part, flourish, share, be a part of, repeat these activities.
Fear can motivate us to get away, hide, flee, run, keep ourselves or others safe. It protects us.
Sadness can motivate us to withdraw, ruminate, cry, heal, express hurt, seek comfort and bond with others.
Anger can motivate us to attack, defend or stand up for ourselves, identify boundary violation, identify there is a threat to our self or our loved ones or something we value.
Guilt can motivate us to repair what we have done and informs us that we have violated our morals or values.
Shame can motivate us to hide away, to keep things secret, to remember our fallibility and humility, to keep us “right sized”.
Disgust can motivate us to withdraw, keep a distance, get clean or clean our environment to ensure we stay healthy.
Compassion, empathy, or sympathy can motivate us to offer comfort, be with others, relate to one another and form strong bonds.
Confusion (Cognitive with physical sensations) can motivate us to get curious, learn, discover, grow.
Affection (behavioural with physical sensations) can motivate us to give love, get close to specific people who were feel safe with, and want to spend more time with.
