Continued guilt, shame, and internalised stigma correlated to alcohol and other drug use

There are several harmful myths and misconceptions about LGBTQIA+ individuals who experience sexual violence. These myths can contribute to stigma, discourage survivors from seeking help, and minimise the seriousness of their experiences. Here are some common ones:

• “Sexual violence doesn’t happen to LGBTQIA+ people.” In reality, LGBTQIA+ individuals face disproportionately high rates of sexual violence compared to their heterosexual and cisgender counterparts.
• “Men cannot be victims of sexual violence.” This myth is particularly damaging to LGBTQIA+ men, reinforcing harmful stereotypes about masculinity and discouraging survivors from coming forward.
• “Only strangers commit sexual violence.” Many people believe that sexual violence is only perpetrated by strangers, but in reality, it often occurs within relationships, friendships, or social circles.
• “LGBTQIA+ survivors must have ‘asked for it’ because of their identity or lifestyle.” This myth wrongly suggests that LGBTQIA+ individuals are responsible for the violence they experience, which is never the case.
• “Sexual violence only happens to women.” While women are disproportionately affected, LGBTQIA+ men, non-binary individuals, and transgender people also experience sexual violence at alarming rates.
• “Being sexually assaulted will ‘turn’ someone gay or straight.” This myth falsely implies that sexual violence can change a person’s sexual orientation, which is not true.

These myths contribute to a culture of silence and shame, making it harder for survivors to seek justice and support.

This is a subtle but important distinction—excuses often sound like reasons, which is why it can be confusing. Let’s break it down clearly.

1. Core difference

2. How they feel in practice

• Reason example: “I missed the meeting because the train was delayed due to an accident.”
  • It’s factual, external, and unavoidable.
• Excuse example: “I missed the meeting because traffic was terrible.”
  • May be partially true, but it avoids full responsibility, like leaving early, not planning ahead, or not checking alternatives.

Sometimes excuses can sound like reasons if they include a kernel of truth. The difference is often intention and accountability:

• If the explanation acknowledges your role or is verifiable, it’s a reason.
• If it shifts blame or deflects responsibility, it’s an excuse.

3. Quick test to distinguish them

Ask yourself:

1. Does this explanation take ownership of what I could control?
2. Is it meant to inform or to justify?
3. Would I offer the same explanation if I were fully accountable?

• If yes → Reason
• If no → Excuse

everyday examples of reasons vs. excuses across different areas. I’ll show why some things sound like reasons but are actually excuses.

1. Dating / Social Life

Key: A reason explains something honestly. An excuse tries to minimise perceived fault. Key insight here:

A statement can be part reason, part excuse. The difference often comes down to which element you emphasise and how you frame it.

• Valid, reason-focused version: “I’m really exhausted and need to rest tonight so I can be ready for tomorrow. Can we reschedule?”
  • Takes ownership, honest, emphasises your physical/mental limit.
• Excuse-heavy version: “I didn’t want to go because traffic was bad, potential rain, and I was tired.”
  • Blames external factors first, makes it sound like avoidance rather than legitimate self-care.

Your perception matters. If fatigue is real, it’s a valid reason, not an excuse. The “excuse” label is mostly about statements that use partially true or exaggerated external factors to justify avoidance, rather than honest, understandable limits.

2. Work / School

Key: Reasons acknowledge what happened and provide context. Excuses often imply “it’s not really my fault.”

3. Personal / Everyday Life

4. Key Patterns to Spot

• Reason: Explains what happened, takes some ownership, is often verifiable.
• Excuse: Explains why it’s not your fault, often blames external factors or minimises responsibility.
• Trick: Excuses can be dressed up with facts, which is why they sound like reasons—but the difference is ownership and intention.

“There is no such thing as a list of reasons. There is either one sufficient reason or a list of excuses.” — Robert Brault.

“It is easier to find an excuse than to find a reason.” — Doug Brown.

“Reasons become excuses when they are used to avoid responsibility or to be accountable.” — Dave Anderson

There’s a substantial body of psychological research that touches on excuses, reasons, and how people justify their behaviour.

1. Excuses in psychology

• Often studied under concepts like self-justification, self-handicapping, and impression management.
• Key idea: People sometimes give excuses to protect self-esteem or avoid negative social judgement.

Examples from research:

• Self-Handicapping: When people create obstacles for themselves (e.g., “I didn’t study because I was tired”) so if they fail, they have an excuse. This is well-studied in educational and performance psychology (e.g., Jones & Berglas, 1978).
• Impression Management: Excuses can be used to manage how others perceive you—making yourself look less at fault or more sympathetic (Leary & Kowalski, 1990).
• Moral Psychology: People distinguish between excuses (to deflect blame) and justifications (to explain actions as morally acceptable). Excuses are seen as reducing personal responsibility, whereas justifications are claiming the act is okay under circumstances (Shaver, 1985).

2. Valid reasons

• Studied more under attribution theory: how people explain causes for their behaviour.
• Internal vs. external attribution:
  • Internal: “I didn’t finish because I didn’t plan properly.”
  • External: “I didn’t finish because the bus was late.”
• A valid reason often corresponds to an explanation that is fact-based, relevant, and seen as legitimate by social norms, while an excuse may rely on controllable factors framed as uncontrollable.

Research highlights:

• People are more likely to accept explanations as valid reasons if they acknowledge personal responsibility (Miller & Ross, 1975).
• Excuses are more likely to be accepted if they appeal to external constraints beyond one’s control, even if the person could have done something differently.

3. Subtle distinctions in research

• Excuse: Often functions to protect self-image or avoid punishment/blame.
• Reason: Functions to inform others of causality; it may include personal responsibility and is usually perceived as legitimate.
• Studies show that people are much more forgiving when a reason signals honesty and unavoidable constraints, versus an excuse that signals avoidance of responsibility.

4. Practical implications

• Being clear about whether you’re giving a reason or an excuse affects trust and credibility in relationships.
• Psychologically, framing your explanation around ownership and unavoidable factors makes it more likely to be perceived as a reason rather than an excuse.